Soul of a Widow

Dear ones, 

Almost six years ago, on April 15th, 2019, I reached out to someone who had been in my heart since I was 18, back in 1998. We met at a restaurant where I worked, fell in love, and dated for a few years before life took us in different directions. But I messaged him, and he came over that night. We laughed on my back porch, and he made me feel simply like myself after I had been living as a widow for over 3 years. He brought happiness back into my life. We spent many days together and he won my heart again.

We got engaged a couple of months later. I'm grateful my grandpa was alive to see it. He was so happy knowing a good man would be part of our lives. Not because he thought I needed a man to save me, but because he loved me. He wanted me to have happiness and a companion. I hosted a birthday party for him the day after our engagement, and he was all smiles, relieved that I would be okay after Ryan’s passing. My grandpa was the only one I talked to openly about it. With others, I put on a brave face, but with him, I shared my pain. He understood; he was a widower, and I was a widow. We shared that sorrow over coffee for years until he passed away in 2020.

That man I messaged six years ago? He's my husband now. We married in August 2019 at the Minneapolis courthouse. Just us. No frills, just love. I've learned the hard way that what matters is the marriage, not the wedding and I was a wedding planner & florist for 12 years who executed over 500 weddings. What matters in marriage: Can you nurture a strong, loving marriage? Can you stay? Can you laugh together through life's trials?

I wanted my children to see that life goes on and they are not broken. They are worthy of a loving family. They have two dads that love them very much: one in heaven and one here on earth. I’ve taught them while this is unfair, heartbreaking, and I know they will be missing a piece of their hearts for their entire lifetimes: they are very blessed to have two dads that are and were wonderful, hardworking, loving men. We are blessed to have James in our lives, and he is blessed to have us. He's not their step-dad; he's their Dad. Has it been easy? No, but it’s been worth it. This is God’s plan. Art taught me that God connects the dots, even in brokenness. Art is an author from my hometown of Red Wing, MN who had me read his book and pen a review. His book helped me to connect my own dots in my story of brokenness.

Never give up on love, dear ones. It exists. You must work for it every day, as tomorrow is not promised. Take risks for the life you deserve. 

Life didn’t go as I planned, but God taught me to embrace my journey. Be grateful for it all. It’s part of your story, your growth, your compassion.

We can’t plan our lives, dear ones. Bad things happen, but our attitude, grace, and grit matter. Not everyone supported my remarriage, but it's my journey, not theirs. They don’t live in my heart or bear my trauma. I’ve faced loss, been the widow, but now I’m stronger, wiser, braver. I chose to embrace life, remarry, move, and start anew with the man who held a place in my heart since I was 18. I turn 46 this fall.

You don’t have to have the same beliefs as me to gain wisdom, guidance, and help from my story. Every human’s story is unique and personal to them. I share my story for the one widow out there today who needs to read it.

I don't share my story to boast or say, "Look at me; I've discovered what many widows are searching for." I share it because I feel a responsibility to convey this important message from my heart: If you are a young widow with small children, it is perfectly okay to seek love and marriage again. You are not betraying your late spouse; instead, you are celebrating life and embracing the companionship you deserve. Your heart is made for love, and it's possible to cherish and love both your late spouse and your current one. I will forever be Ryan’s widow because I was his wife for over 9 years and the mother of his children. Death doesn’t undo that bond. I am also James’s wife. My heart holds both. My heart honors…..both every single day. 

LOVE WINS.
LOVE HEALS.
God has a plan—always.

Widows are some of the strongest women you will meet. I can say this from experience as a leader in the widowed community for many years. I have had the privilege of meeting widows of various ages from around the world, and they demonstrate incredible grit, grace, and an unparalleled strength.

Love always, Nik 


If you believe this might help someone you know, please know I give you my permission to share this page. 

​​

​

​

If you are a woman who has lost her spouse and has young children, and you seek support, guidance, and insight on helping your children cope with their grief, healing your own sorrow, and reentering life, please feel free to contact me to serve as your widow mentor. 

​

niktebbe@gmail.com