Dear you,
You who is thinking of taking their own life today.
Here is what will happen if you go through with it.
You will be found. Most likely and almost always by a family member that loves you. That memory will never leave them.
That family member will have to call 911 while their hands shake and their heart is in shock.
The police will come and investigate the scene. They have to make sure it was a suicide and not foul play or an accident.
The family member that found you will notify other family members. The chain of pain starts at this moment and trickles on down the family tree throughout the day.
If you are married....family will go knock on your door and say to your spouse, "I'm sorry. Your spouse killed themselves today. They are gone. They died."
Your spouse will pace around and replay that morning. They will want to run screaming down the street with no shoes on but they won't......because your small children are napping in the next room. The shock keeps your spouse from trying to follow your spirit to Heaven.
5 minutes or an hour later the police show up at your home to interview your spouse. They hand them your wallet, your keys...your belongings and they ask a million very personal questions and ask to look in your fridge and medicine cabinet for clues.
The day you take your life the people around you that love you......their lives are turned upside down.
Your spouse will immediately get phone calls from organ donation banks, the mortuary, the church. Instead of falling into a heap of tears in bed they will stand in your kitchen planning your funeral. Do you want roses or sunflowers? A wood casket or metal? Pictures of trees on the church program or the photo of a farm? So many things to figure out when a life ends so abruptly.
On the day that you die the word will spread fast thanks to good ol' social media. Friends will be posting, "R.I.P." on your Facebook page before all of your family has even been notified of your passing.
Your parents will be in shock.
Your siblings knees will hit the floor.
Your friends will wonder about what they could have done. They will beat themselves up that they never returned the call (for help?) that you left just the other day on their voicemail.
Everyone will wonder how they will live all these decades without you.
Your job will be notified that you have died. Your work items sent home.
No one you love will eat anything that day.
Everyone you love will hold each other that day....possibly blame each other or themselves on that day. Some will lose their faith in God...others will cling to theirs like a life line. The angels will cry. Your dog will wonder when you are coming home to take her for a run. Your mail will arrive with no one to open it. Your clothes will hang sadly in your closet. Your coffee cup will sit dirty on the counter. Remnants of a life left too soon.
On the day that you take you life.....there are a series of events that unfold like dominoes that cracks the hearts of those you love...forever. They are never, ever the same. They might wonder if they ever really knew you, forever wonder of secrets you might have kept, and eternally mourn thinking of the pain you must have silently been going through.
Dear you, If you are thinking of taking your life today. I hope this reaches you. YOU ARE LOVED. YOUR LIFE MATTERS. THERE IS HELP, AND HOPE. And life can get better. I don't write this to guilt you into staying. I understand that sometimes.....people leave this earth and it's not because they want their life to end...they need their pain to stop. I know that sometimes people take their own lives and they don't have the mental or emotional capacity to think of what this will do to their loved ones. They are too deep into the darkness.....the silent blackness where all they can hear is the enemy saying, "You don't matter to anyone. This pain will never end." So if you still leave? I send so much LOVE to your soul. I hope you are free of your darkness and I hope you can hear how much we love you from Heaven.
Dear you, I tell you this synopsis of the day you might end your life so you know...all these people LOVE YOU. All these people want to shelter you, help you, risk their own lives to save you.
Take a deep breath.
Know that most suicides are thought of days, weeks, months before but not followed through on. YOU. DO. NOT. have to follow through on these thoughts and feelings. You can stay and fight.
Know that once you are gone...you can't come back.
Please know....that you are so loved.
The voices in your head are WRONG. No one is mad at you. No one will be better off without you. No one is going to leave you.
Others want to help yet it's so hard to notice someone's internal struggles so use words that are straight and to the point like, "HELP me. I'm going to kill myself. " and then stay put until we arrive.
Reach out so we can REACH IN.
We love you.
Love always, Nik Bonkoski
Copyright: Nikki Bonkoski 2019. Do not copy and paste these words/photo. Thank you. Photo:
My family in 2014. 1 year before Ryan's suicide.
September 10th is World Suicide Prevention/Awareness Day
©Nikki Bonkoski-2024
💛🎗Shared in memory of my first husband who died by suicide September 10th, 2015. This written prose is my personal experience of the day that he died.
If you are struggling with your own mental health, life's hardships, or suicidal thoughts please make a call. Here is a list of suicide and crisis hotlines worldwide.
Call/Text 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
Languages: English, Spanish
Hours: Available 24 hours
Global Suicide & Crisis Hotlines
The following are support groups that I created. I am a grief support specialist.
The Brave Ladies Club: Free Facebook Support Group for women who have lost a spouse/partner to suicide. Women from around the world in this group offer each other support, help with children's trauma/PTSD/Grief, friendship, healing, and learning.
Grief Untamed: Free Facebook Support Group for Grief. This group is not specific to suicide loss. It's for any and all death related grief. There are many families from around the world in this group who have lost a loved one to suicide.
Manhood Untamed: Free Facebook Support Group for men to discuss mental health, life, parenting, relationships, emotions, work, trauma, and more.
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